Thankfulness continued.

8. Taylor's job - it is enough to provide our needs..and some wants too although we do not deserve it.

9. Lifepoint - a great group of people whom we fellowship with, mourn with, and celebrate with. Love doing life with these people.

10. Angie Mo - my best friend. Love learning how to be a friend, although I know I make a ton of mistakes. She is a great support and encourager and I am thankful to have her.

11. the Rose family - they are the first family to show me the seriousness and realness of a relationship with Christ.

12. Courtney Bunyard - she is the one to invite me to VIDA NUEVA, where I accepted Christ as my Savior.

13. My friends along the journey - my Louisiana friends - Shellie and Katie. My Oki friends - Rhiannon, Kristina, and Colleen. My Cali friends - Debi and Mandy. There are so many many more, but these guys have kept in touch with me to some degree, and I am thankful to call them friends.

14. Soccer - I love the sport and miss playing so much.

15. Freedom - to make my own choices, to worship Jesus, and to have rights that many many people have fought and died for.

16. My failures - although I say that through gritted teeth, I know each failure has taught me a lot about who I am and who God has called me to be.

17. Grace - because of my failures and bad choices.

18. Bread - I love carbs.

Well instead of making up stuff, I am going to stop here.

To be Grateful: 7 days

I don't even know where to begin...things have been exciting, tiring, interesting, and crazy. I am almost 16 weeks far along in this pregnancy, and this pregnancy has been a lot different than the girls'. With the girls, I was sick right at 6 weeks, and it lasted right until 14 weeks. With Gemma, I think it lasted a few days longer. I didn't even start getting sick until 8 weeks ish. But it has just been so up and down, as far as morning sickness goes. I am tired all the time. I am just now starting to get to the point where I don't want to sleep all day. My mom has been incredibly awesome. I went down there for five days, and then she came back up with me and stayed an additional three days, and just took care of the girls and let me sleep and sit and read and just zone out, which I think my body needed. I had been running on empty for quite a while. I hate that because I feel like I couldn't be there for Ellie and Gemma 100%. I was slacking in the discipline area with Ellie, and that was starting to show. Gemma is such a mama's girl, and I could tell she was craving that one on one. I am trying to stop complaining because this is just the way its going to be. I am going to have to just get over it. Things won't get done, and that is okay. But I still need to get up, with a smile!, and attack the day, and take care of the girls.

Ellie has been changing so quickly! Her vocabulary is expanding, and she is starting to say sentences. "Here ya go" "I be back" "I need help" She is also learning a TON of signs. We have started watching the alphabet one, and she can do B, and she recognizes P. It is so fun. She says thank you pretty much on her own now. We have to remind her still, but definitely not as much. She says please on her own now. Although she does whine and stuff when we say no. Sometimes she will start off whining when she wants something. But for the most part, she uses her words and signs extremely well! She is a great sister. I love watching her protect and care for Gemma, and Ellie pronounces it with the G, as in get (only word i can think of haha). She shares with her, mostly. If Gemma is sitting and playing, Ellie will gather all the toys for her. If I am holding Gemma and she is crying, Ellie will go get her "keek" (blanket) and her frog to comfort her. If Gemma is getting into something she shouldn't, I hear "No MOM" (how she pronounces ma'am), and she runs to get me. Could be a potential tattle tale, but for now, it has only been if Gemma is chewing on something she shouldn't or some other life threatening thing. However, Gemma is also changing and growing and fending for herself. Ellie does like to just take toys from her that she believes is hers. But Gemma crawls over to her, and takes it back. Teaching sharing is tough, but we are working on it. Gemma also likes to be in everything Ellie is. If Ellie is building a tower, Gemma will crawl over and starting taking the pieces, much to Ellie's frustration. Their favorite game is crawling together. Ellie will say crawl, and then get Gemma to chase her, which she does happily.

Gemma has reached a milestone in our house, which is climbing up the stairs from the den to the kitchen! She is also starting to learn more and all done signs. I think she might be getting more, but it could be a fluke too. I love my girls.

Let's see, we are in November, the month to recall what you are thankful for. Let me give this a shot -

1. I am thankful for a God who loves me and a Jesus who paid it all so that I can be with Him in Heaven. He has given me purpose for living, and for now, strength for the day, and hope for the future. I try to live my life to reflect His glory, although I fail most of the time. But I am thankful that He is a forgiving God.

2. I am thankful for my family. I love my parents both so much, and thankful God chose them to raise me. They have done, and continue doing so much for Taylor and I that we will never be able to show how much we appreciate them. My sister and I are so so different, yet we find a way to hang out and enjoy each other. We have been through our years of fighting, and our years of friendship, and we definitely find that we prefer the latter.

3. I am thankful for my husband, Taylor, who is kind, confident, and caring. He loves me and loves our girls. I am truly blessed for that. He works hard to provide for us. But he "works to live, not lives to work", and I appreciate that about him. He is sensitive to my needs, and he always looks to resolve any problem we may have. I love him for more than this, and I can not wait to grow older with him.

4. I am thankful for Ellie, my firstborn sweet girl. She is a HUGE blessing, and I am so thankful that God chose Taylor and I to be her parents. She is so sweet, and so kind, and I am thrilled to see her as she grows.

5. I am thankful for Gemma, my sweet mama's girl. I picked her up from childcare last night, and she saw me, got a huge smile on her face and crawled her way towards me - it made me so proud and so thankful that she loves me too.

6. I am thankful for this little one growing inside of me. I don't know if it is a him or a her yet, but a life nonetheless, and God is growing him or her to be exactly the way God wants him or her. And I am thankful for another little arrow in my quiver.

7. I am thankful for Taylor's family. They have accepted me for who I am, and for that I am truly grateful. They love each other, they love us, and they love the girls. They strive to be there for us even though they live so far away. Mike and Sue have been amazing, and I love them so much!

All for now!

Sleep when babies sleep is a MUST

So last week was exhausting and hard, but I got through it. I guess it all started the Friday before. Not only was my nausea through the roof, but my allergies had kicked into full swing, I couldn't breathe through my nose at all, my body ached, and I was just plain miserable. I wanted to sleep all day, and I probably could too. One hard thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you do not really get a sick day. (I am not intending to exclude working moms, I am just speaking as a SAH mom, because that's what I am.) My girls saw me throw so many fits that day...I was acting like such a baby. I did a lot of apologizing, mostly to Ellie, for much of my behavior and crying fits. Of course, I spent a lot of time over the toilet, and bless Ellie's heart, she hugged my leg, and just repeated "I sorry..I sorry.." I called Taylor and was just "come home please!" Bless his heart, he made it work, and came home a couple hours early from work, and what a help that was! I was feeling much better and less like a crazy person after a much needed nap. My friend brought her kids over, and the kids just had a blast playing with chalk and in the dirt.

The next week (last week) was just difficult... I could not wait for nap time, I didn't have any energy, and it was definitely a video type of day every day. I am so thankful for my girls though and just the joy that they are. Ellie snuggled with me and gave me so many hugs. Gems was just a good girl, nothing too crazy.

They are really starting to play together and it is awesome. It makes my heart happy. Gemma definitely has a bit of temper. I remember Ellie getting upset about taking something away from her that she wanted, but Gems grunts and furrows her brow. It will be interesting to watch her grow. The "discipline" has now started with her because she is CRAWLING now! And getting into EVERYTHING, and her favorite is paper! GROSS! Wet paper is like the grossest thing ever, and it makes me gag. Wipes do not count. I am fine with wipes. Ick. But anyway, but she is sitting up and crawling. She kinda crawls with a peg leg. She has her right leg straight and out to the side, and crawls like that.

I am now 11-1/2 weeks pregnant as well with our third precious child! This pregnancy has been so different...not throwing up all the time, but definitely can hardly eat, nausea lasts all day, and I am SO tired, ALL the time. My body aches a lot more, and it probably has a lot to do with having three so close together...my poor body... I've also gone numb in my face a couple times, which is a new thing. My doc says next time it happens to go to the ER....ummm...okay?? Stroke? really? Nothing since I have talked to the doc, except a twitching eye, probably unrelated....

Anyway, trying to catch up with my life, but as I write this, I am watching the clock and thinking, I am losing valuable nap time! So I am going to sleep! Nappy nap!

Another Milestone!

Well, Ellie started to give that look like she was concentrating really hard. And I had to go to the bathroom, so I took her in there with me. I took off her diaper and had her sit on the potty, and then gave her a book to read. After I finished, I got up and told Ellie 'come on, let's go get your FuzziBun on', and started to walk out of the bathroom. She got up and came to me but was saying "Mo Mo" and doing the sign for more. Went to my toilet and lifted up the seat, and then sat down on her potty and did the sign again, saying "Mo Mo" So I went and sat down and we both started reading our books again. And then she did the face, and peed on the potty!!! I started screaming, and she smiled and looked at me like I was crazy!! I was so excited I forgot all about the whole wiping and flushing the toilet again. I gave her a couple of cookies and started to make calls telling about our awesome news!

Just the Two of Us

This weekend Taylor and I got to go away and be ourselves for an entire weekend! It was perfect!! And so much needed! We got up and said good bye to our lovely ladies on Friday morning. Don't worry, we left them under the care of the fabulous Oma, and knew they would be in good hands. We spent the weekend in Dallas, not TOO far away, but enough that it was a getaway. Our first destination was the King Spa. We had a lot of fun. We got a couple's massage, ate Korean food, and just relaxed. It was a perfect start. Then we left to get checked in to our hotel. After a short nap, we went to the Thomas Avenue Beverage Company. It was really good! Taylor got a burger, and I got the fish tacos. I also asked the bartender to make me something girly and fruity to drink, and that was awesome too! Then we went to see Cowboys and Aliens, which was quite entertaining. It was interesting being downtown and seeing everyone wearing work out clothes and their ipods but no one was actually running...must just be a style thing...haha. So that was Friday. Saturday, we got up and went to eat at the Breadwinners. Now that place was awesome, and very busy. But we sat at the bar so got immediate sitting. We both got the eggs benedict, and it was delicious. Then we went to the Dallas Zoo, which is actually really good! There is cover nearly everywhere, and it was kinda sprinkling so it was not too hot. We stopped to watch the flight show, and we witnessed a volunteer get chased into the pool by chickens. It was hilarious!! After the zoo, we went home took another nap. Then we went to the Saltgrass Steakhouse, and then went to three different Studio Movie Grills to try to experience that coolness, but no luck! First was shut down - it had moved to a different location. The second was not the one we had looked up and the movie started thirty minutes, and by the time we got to the third location, the movie we wanted to see was sold out! So no luck and the conclusion of our evening. But it was all still fun. We just jammed and rocked out to music and danced in our seats during the drive. Good time together. We came home on Sunday so EXCITED to see our girls. I enjoyed having a complete day of no responsibilities. My mom did wonderful with the girls! And the girls slept in the same room the whole time. So now to start off the week doing what I do! Laters!

Wedding Vows

We are coming up on our 5th Year Anniversary! August 5, 2006. I thought I would share our vows that we wrote on our own.

"I take you, Amanda, to be my wife. I vow to cherish and respect you unconditionally for all the days of my life. I believe the Lord has placed you in my life to be my partner in marriage. I promise to provide for you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I will protect you and sacrifice for you when I am weak, as well as when I am strong. I promise to be a good father and to raise our children in a loving Christian home. I promise to hare my entire life with you, and to be completely honest in everything I say and do. I promise to respect all your dreams and goals, and to encourage you when you need it most. I promise, that in every situation, no matter what has been said or done, I will keep faith, act in love and honor the relationship of marriage we have entered into. I love you, Amanda, and in the name of God, this is my solemn vow." ~ Taylor

"I take you, Taylor, to be my husband. I vow to cherish and respect you unconditionally for all the days of my life. I believe the Lord has placed you in my life to be my partner in marriage. I realize marriages are not perfect; we are not perfect. I know we will go through hard times, sometimes to difficult to bear, whether it be finances or sicknesses. But I know we all also go through great times, like having children and growing old together. I can't promise to be a perfect wife. There will be times when I am wrong, times when I am mean, and times when I am distant. But, right now, I am promising to honor this relationship, and trust the Lord that this our covenant to each other til death due us part. I promise to love you and stand by your side. I promise to support your goals and dreams, and to encourage you when you are weak and when you are strong. And I will go to the Lord in prayer for your strength and wisdom, and that you may be filled with the Spirit of God, and I will submit to what you think is best. I promise to be forgiving and share my life with you in faithfulness. I love you, Taylor. And, in the name of God, this is my solemn vow."

Violated

So...yesterday was a pretty bad day. I have been feeling really good and then every once in a while (more often recently), I have been in a pretty sour mood - kind of depressed like. I know it has a lot to do with hormones, but sometimes it is hard to shake the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy, selfishness, short temper, mean sarcasm, and my imperfections shine even more. I feel like Paul when he says he wants to do right, but can't. Not only that, but I have been waking up in the middle of the night and unable to get back to sleep. Instead of staring at the ceiling, I do get up and read and pray. But then I am sleep deprived, adding to the hormones.

Yesterday, I took Ellie outside to play in the sprinkler, and she was so excited. I noticed that the back gate was open. Thinking it was weird, I went to close it to protect my daughter and keep her and the dog from escaping. That is when I noticed that the shed door was wide open and a huge vacant spot where our mower usually sat. I just prayed that Taylor took it to the front yard for whatever reason, knowing though that it wasn't the case. Then the waterworks started... I called Taylor and carried my daughter into the house and just sobbed. Ellie was being so sweet, and I was so angry and cursing this unknown thief. I put her in the pack-n-play with a bunch of toys and a video and went to the other room and just cried. I was so angry! I prayed and prayed, but not for me to have a heart of forgiveness and mercy, but for justice and for whoever this was to fail at whatever purpose he was going to use this lawn mower and weed-eater (yep, stolen too) for. I just feel so violated. And then as the day went on, I felt worse because of my own sinful reaction. Then, I felt physically even worse from all the crying, so then I ate whatever I wanted - fast food was easiest. Eating this all day made me feel even worse.... Spiral downwards....

Today is a new day. I realized I missed my baby girls. In my emotional craziness, I missed out on Day 560 of Ellie's life and Day 173 of Gemma's life. Seems like just a day, but each day is so valuable! I do NOT want to take for granted the time I have with them. I want to choose life today and not to sulk. If something like a stolen lawn mower comes up again, as small as it is, I need to take it to the Lord, leave it as His feet, and then trust He will provide, in whatever way He sees fit. Easier said than done. I am so thankful God still loves a sinner like me. And He still loves whoever that thief was. Gar. Lord, help me. Even as I type this, my heart still needs some changing towards the subject....